So lately I have been thinking seriously on marital issues and while it is not the first time I'm thinking about such deep maters, my focus, or should I call it recent concern, has been about boring couples, actually, boring wives.
After allowing work take the better of me for years, I began to socialise more early last year. I went out more to places like clubs, the beach, swimming and birthday parties of friends. In that time, I discovered that I really knew how to have fun and not just be the workaholic I was slowly turning into then.
Going out mostly at night exposed me to a lot. The nightlife in Lagos is perhaps just as busy as the day life only that this time, people were 'working hard' to relax and enjoy the money they sweated for. It is usually where you see the Queens and Kings of the night, gracing the streets, bars and clubs to entertain the mere mortals of the day.
Honestly, it is always fun.
But looking back at the calibre of people I have had the opportunity to interact with in these places, the stories they often tell about their lives once they become intoxicated with either alcohol or the aura of the night leaves me in cold fear marriage.
The young ladies giving married men lap dances for a fee, the one night stands, the permanent side-chicks. all these people playing a role in the life of men who actually claim to be happily married, scares the hell out of me.
I say happily married because contrary to the belief I had growing up, that only men in bad marriages cheat, these men I have listened to, actually praise their wives. They talk about how peaceful, how understanding, loving and respectful their wives are.
A lot of times in my thoughts, I imagine women who love to have fun but because "marriage happens", they cannot show the fun sides of them. Fun becomes going to church in their Sunday best, entertaining or visiting family members or In-laws they often don't like. Fun becomes waiting for your husband to bring home your favourite snack, after he must have spent hours having the time of his life with friends at night.
The worst of this is that when the husbands decide to take you out, you must be on your best behaviour so as not to embarrass him in the presence of whoever he let you see.
When do women become boring to your spouses? When do we become only good enough for the home and not the world?
Am I thinking about this the wrong way? Am I thinking too deep into this?
To be honest, I actually fear that even now, I have or could be on the verge of becoming the boring half.
Love,
Nina 💙
You are not alone on this dear,to think I have been having this same thought lately.
ReplyDeleteBeebah dear,
DeleteThank you for your comment, it is good to know that I am not alone with this thought.
Amazing write up. I want to believe a lot of young ladies out there share your fears. I however feel communication and understanding is key to avoiding being a boring wife. Women should also be free to express themselves, party hard and have fun even in marriage but society frowns against that.
ReplyDeleteEven at that couples can make it work. Personally, I envision going into a relationship and then marriage with someone I'll see as a dear wife, side chick, crazy bitch (permit my word usage). With such mindset, it only normal for me to look for someone that fits the description above and ensure we both maintain the spark while dating and in marriage.
Marriage is a lifetime contract, a choice. Couples must always be willing to spice up their marriage by doing the unimaginable as often as possible.
Juba dear,
DeleteYour comments are always appreciated, thank you.
You are right about communication and understanding being the key, It is just that people in relationships are always 'talking without speaking' and reaching an understanding about certain things that seem to have a wide societial acceptance and backing can be really difficult.
Private Comments.
ReplyDeleteWilson:Feel you're pegging most of the blame on the women and not the men actively going out to cheat. IMO, might be that they're not putting in as much effort to have fun with their partners and just trying to conform like you mentioned.
Might also be a thing of mostly hanging out a lot with their guy friends than with their wife at places like clubs. Not that they shouldn't hang out with them but should also hang out with their wives as much. Can't remember where I saw it but there was a married couple that used to go clubbing together
Response: ...Well, i also think it's the fact that topics like this has a wide societal backing and acceptance. Women are literary 'forced' to conform more than men are. It is really
Wilson:Yeah. Feel it would then be more of a question of how do we push society to the point that married women are allowed to express more freedom than they are currently allowed to. If not, still think the issue of becoming boring would still keep coming up. Might be something small as getting people used to the idea of hiring someone to help with work around the house so both parents can spend nights out together and leave their kids at home
Private Comment.
ReplyDeleteOzioma:Good read...I guess the boring part can be sorted out when both(not just the woman as you pointed out, cos a man can get boring too) research on fun things to keep the relationship going and beautiful.
Response: Hmmm. I know men get boring too but the thing is women don't handle it like men do.
If a man is bored with his marriage, he can easily go out nd have fun but the woman can't.
I will speak from various discussion with some married woman.
ReplyDeleteMost married women are not boring. I mean that are more social than their husbands.
For reasons best known to them, they choose to hide that part so that their husband won't think less of them.
Many think playing the reserve wife at home is what makes a wife material. The truth is that men want it nasty, crazy and brand new.
So ladies don't be afraid to manifest that inner desire of fun.
I cannot but also commend wives for their sacrifice in raising the kids that they are so tired of even considering having fun outside the walls of their house and family circle.
We husband need to help our wives catch the fire. That side chick is nothing near our wives
*married women
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